The Big Five - O

Today I turn 50. Half my life is over?

Looking back I've accomplished a number of things. Some that were important at the time scarcely cross my mind now. Others stand out. But in a very real way I feel like I have 'lived' more in the past five years than in all the years before. Probably because fate and the universe had to get everything into place for the past five years to happen.

Getting to this point in life I had to endure some pitfalls, live below average, and experience failure more than once or twice. Looking back all of it was necessary to get me to the mind set and place I am now. I have experienced ambition and glory, I've been on top and sank to the bottom but through out it all I never gave up. I was born a dreamer and I will die one.

Lessons...

This place you and I dwell in, the physical universe, is but a schoolhouse where we graduate from moment to moment and grow from our experiences. We may refer to it as the school of hard knocks but in reality most of those knocks have been there for a reason. On some level we sign up for our knocks and then move through them passing with either a good grade or a do over. And we do this lifetime after lifetime.

In this life I have experienced true friendship and passing acquaintances. I've found love and shared love with others. I've even been that person someone found love in. I've been admired, respected, and down right detested by someone somewhere in this life. I've been misunderstood and fully realized.

I'm sure that at some point I will carry these experiences with me when I go. All of these experiences will have shaped me into the person I will be when I return. I will not remember them but their effect on me will design the new personality that will be me. The essence of me in another body and another lifetime. The cycle of life will continue.

But for now as I sit at the half way mark I believe I have found balance. My attitude now is neither for or against much in life and I rarely take a firm side on any issue. My life so far has brought me to this crux. This balancing point.

Yet the dreamer inside me is very much alive and there are many things I still want to accomplish. Travel is one of them, I want to see more of the world as it is now. I'm also looking forward to retirement age so I can have the time to complete projects without a rush or deadline. I plan to spend my retirement somewhere near mountains and as close to nature as I can get.

Future...

And I look forward to many years with my wife. We still have plenty to keep us busy for a while but someday I hope we will have the time to leave our jobs and careers and just explore the world together. In the meantime we do get in some travel and adventures, little getaways to try something new or see a new place and revel in it's atmosphere.

I don't feel 50. I really don't. And people say I don't look it either. Inside I still feel young and full of ideas. Frankly growing old is not on my agenda. I've seen 'old' and it ain't pretty! True my body may grow older but my spirit will always remain young.

Some people think of time as a predator waiting to pounce. I see time as a companion that moves with you as you move throughout your life. Ready to catch you when you finally succumb to age. Time is not the enemy. It is simply there to allow you the distance you need to travel.

Fifty. It just doesn't seem like I've come this far. I continue to see a long path in front of me and more things to explore and experience.

So, on this day I will rest and enjoy my birthday. Then tomorrow I will pick up and continue down the path.
:)